LOL – t-bar’d

another installment of the Love Of Laughter list is way overdue. i’ve found, unfortunately, that the majority of the laugh-out-loud-moments on The List are truly of the “you had to be there” nature. i’ve got a few more that i’ll share here, though, and new moments are being added to The List all the time. hopefully this short story will bring you a laugh.

i was engaged in one of my most favorite activities: riding the snowy slopes of colorado. it was later in the day and we had worked our way to one of the higher peaks on the far side of the resort, where the only lift to the the top is something called a “t-bar.” for those unfamiliar, this is basically a series of bars shaped like an upside down “T” hanging from the moving cable, rather than chairs. the bar pulls you along the surface of the snow on your skis or snowboard.

the ideal method is simple: grab the next approaching bar when you reach the front of the line, nestle it between your legs with the arms of the “T” snugly under your butt cheeks, and hang on. the bars have a retractable feature that allows them to stretch to accommodate the appropriate height for the individual using it, then recede back into place so it won’t drag the ground when unoccupied. as soon as there is no longer weight on the bar, it draws back to it’s initial position.

now that we all understand the rough mechanics of a t-bar lift, on to the hilarity.

as my slope-mates and i waited our turn in line, we couldn’t help but notice a boisterous group of male 20-somethings just behind us who were doing what guys do: ribbing each other mercilessly and laughing hysterically. they actually kept us quite entertained, and the wait went by quickly. when it was almost our turn, i happened to overhear the couple in front of us discussing the proper way to mount the lift…in increasingly urgent tones.

now, we’ve just learned that using a t-bar is as simple as taking a seat in a chairlift, but because most people haven’t used a surface lift since ski school when they were seven (if that), the unfamiliarity can be intimidating. and the less-trafficked areas don’t always have lifties working there to coach you through the process.

the man moved forward first, cautiously grasped the bar, and tucked it under his backside. only, i think he must’ve put it to one side instead of between his legs, because he got turned sideways. once his skis were perpendicular to the direction the lift was moving, he was jerked right off the seat! he toppled forward forcefully and face-planted in the snow a few feet above the start of the lift.

at this point the raucous group of guys was hooting and pointing at the poor embarrassed man lying face-down with his skis in the air, and my party was trying in vain to suppress our laughter. the commotion didn’t register for the fallen man’s partner, though. she was concentrating so intently on her own execution of the t-bar technique that she didn’t notice his misfortune until she was nearly on top of him, at which point she abandoned her bar and jammed her poles this way and that in an attempt to avoid crashing into him.

this is where it gets good. to add insult to injury, the woman’s released bar, which was loaded with tension from being pulled out to it’s fullest extent while she sat on it, sprang back into place via the man’s location on the ground. he lay there, prone, while the bar shot forward and smacked him hard on the backside! the roar from the group behind us drew the attention of everyone in line. they were freely razzing the humiliated skier as if he were one of their own, now.

“oh! you just got spanked!”

“hope that snow numbed your pride, dude.”

“um, the idea is to plant your a** on the bar, not the other way around.”

“don’t just lie there like a moron, man!”

(in response to his friend) “what would you do, dimwit? the worm?!”

if we weren’t already in fits of giggles from the scene unfolding in front of us, we certainly were doubled over from the peanut gallery behind us. by the time the shamed pair collected themselves and retreated to the bottom of the hill, we were breathless from high altitude laughter.

i don’t usually enjoy laughing at someone else’s expense if they’re not joining in the glee, but sometimes the situation makes it nearly impossible to keep a straight face.

image via teara.govt.nz