withdrawn. inhibited. reserved.

for most of my life, these words could not be used to describe me. i’ve always been the one that would talk your ear off, plunge headlong into any new adventure, and had no trouble showing emotion. my talkative, open, affectionate personality is, i think, partially due to my family culture, but mostly just…me.

but lately that’s been different. life’s events have compelled me to seal off the my true thoughts and feelings with the excuse of protecting those i love from unpleasant conversations. lack of motivation has eaten away at my productivity, unleashing a steady stream of self-scolding that won’t allow much fun-with-friends time until i shape up. feeling disconnected has led me to reach out less, write down less, speak up less.

somewhere along the way i’ve become timid and reticent—to the detriment of my relationships, my professional goals, my personal ambitions, and my spiritual growth.

but, oh, how i love a fresh start. blank notebooks, the start of a road trip, clean laundry.

while i’ve never set a new year’s resolution with any earnestness, i’ve always enjoyed the motivated, energized air that surrounds the turning over of a new year.

there is a small online movement of inspired people choosing one word to sum up goals for the new year. the one word 365 community has come together to encourage each other in focusing on one word for 2012 that “becomes the filter through which you see and live your life. It steers your decisions and guides your steps…a word that can be a reminder, a nudge. A word that you can reflect on, that will challenge you, that will inspire you…”

like my friend megan, it seemed as if my word chose me, rather than the other way around. it’s been ducking in and out of my thoughts and prayers for awhile now, just waiting for me to acknowledge it and give it a place in my heart. i think i’m ready to do that.

my one word for 2012 is SHARE.

at first i was hesitant to use the word that has become a ubiquitous online button linked to every social media platform you can imagine. (oh, no. now I’ve put the association into your head, too!) …but, ultimately, it is the word that best describes the way i need to stretch myself this year.

so while there will be some clicking of the online “share” button for me, mostly i want this year to be about being less restrained in areas that i have become closed off.

i will SHARE my stories and not let insecurities make me hesitant to write.

i will SHARE compliments instead of only thinking nice things about others.

i will SHARE my sadness with my husband and family rather than letting it build up inside.

i will SHARE in friends’ joys and sorrows and not withhold support i could offer.

i will SHARE my aspirations with others who might be able to give advice and accountability.

i will SHARE my knowledge and talents with those who might benefit from my experiences.

i will SHARE my faith struggles with God even if i feel distant in prayer.

my hope is that this focus will help me live my life on purpose and reach more aggressively toward my goals for the coming year. 2012 is the year i reclaim the real me.

available. expressive. unselfish.

image via david-ogaga