loves

valentine’s day is silly. love is grand. loves are life.

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God’s will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness… Christ did not teach and suffer that we might become, even in the natural loves, more careful of our own happiness. We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherit in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.

…It is probably impossible to love any human being simply “too much”. We may love him too much in proportion to our love for God; but it is the smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man, that constitutes the inordinacy. But even this must be refined upon. Otherwise we shall trouble some who are very much on the right road but alarmed because they cannot feel towards God so warm a sensible emotion as they feel for the earthly Beloved. It is much to be wished-at least I think so-that we all, at all times, could. We must pray that this gift should be given us. But the question whether we are loving God or the earthly Beloved “more” is not, so far as concerns our Christian duty, a question about the comparative intensity of two feelings. The real question is, which (when the alternative comes) do you serve, or choose, or put first? To which claim does your will, in the last resort, yield?

- from The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis

so maybe valentines day isn’t silly, if it gets people to demonstrate their affection for each other. but somehow it just feels like an awkward public reminder from your mother to “mind your manners.” (what do you say, dear? thank mrs. jones for the nice gift…) i know, i know!

i guess it’s not a bad suggestion, and it can be nice to have an excuse for a special date with your special someone, but i would never be offended if my husband neglected to show me how he feels on valentine’s day. i’d be upset if he forgot to every other day of the year.

image by getmorris.com