well, hello there. July 10, 2008
i’d love to open a dialogue with anyone who shares my interests, or would like to share theirs, so please feel free to chime in. thanks for visiting!
memory lane – they’ve done a lot of renovating on this street January 30, 2010
i don’t know if it’s amusing, impressive, or scary how easy it is to do a facelift of your personal history. our brains are capable of a makeover so effective that we forget the “before” pictures ever existed and move forward in life with a new reality. i’m not referring to coping with trauma. i’m talking about the details of an event or period of time that we wish were just a little bit different. so often those details get airbrushed in our minds, just enough to take the edge off the awkward, insecure, and embarrassing memories. and then there’s the material evidence. sometimes snapshots of these moments facilitate the fib (“look how happy i am smiling at that awful party.”) and sometimes the photos belie the distorted recollection (“wow, i was a bit heavier than i remembered.”)
for the past few weeks i’ve been scanning a lot of my old photos into flickr, to preserve them before they fade or get lost, but also because i enjoy browsing and organizing my pictures on the computer. (life is just too good not to enjoy the high points again and again.) it seems incomprehensible now, but i don’t have to go back many years to arrive at my pre-digital, 35mm photos. (other than a photography course in college, my photographs processed from film are not the admirably artistic kind – we’re talking disposables and point-and shoot models here.)
in some aspects the photos are an annoyingly accurate record-keeper. there’s no denying the bad perm, buck teeth, or gigantic glasses – photoshop is no help there. but other times photographs are a misleading illusion. and i don’t just mean a funny camera angle. i’m talking about the posed moments created especially for the benefit of the camera – a shiny façade glossed on top of the truth. either way, the pictures always bring a jolting rush of emotion. as i viewed each print, i laughed, i gasped, i awwwed, i sighed, i cringed. i felt happy, sad, excited, irritated, nostalgic, nervous, and loved. i felt whatever i had been feeling at the moment the photo was snapped.
for the most part, i love that emotive response to reliving freeze frames from the past – i’ve lived a full, charmed, ambrosial 30 years. but occasionally the scenes roused old insecurities that have lain dormant for a long time. i was instantly transformed from a confident, successful adult into a gawky junior high kid again. this phenomenon of being confronted with buried sentiments reminded me of a question recently posed by my friend laura: to reconnect or not to reconnect? she pondered the emotional effects of renewing lost social ties online, and posited that perhaps we’re all just a little too available. i think i’ve found a response to the examination of why social media can make grown adults regress back to teenagers.
nearly a year and a half ago there was an article in the new york times titled brave new world of digital intimacy. (you may have to create a free account with NYT to view the entire piece.) in the article, social psychologists compared the advent of incessant online contact to living in a small town where everyone knows your business. now that we never lose touch with old friends, we are always trapped in that community we grew up in.
Psychologists and sociologists spent years wondering how humanity would adjust to the anonymity of life in the city…a world of lonely people ripped from their social ties. We now have precisely the opposite problem.
this “ambient awareness,” where every move is observed and shared, is reminiscent of high school. when you’re constantly aware of your friends’ activities, you tend to compare and measure every accomplishment, good fortune, and exciting event against your own. and with everyone trying mightily to paint a beautiful, exotic, auspicious existence to the online world, it’s easy to feel inadequate.
fortunately, past teenage anxiety doesn’t stay long enough to even shake off the dust, and i welcome the vast majority of memories and reconnections. but it’s still strange to me how a stroll down memory lane can be as mood altering as the original experience.
read this book January 24, 2010
i absolutely devoured this book last week:
Zealous Love is a response to some of the world’s urgent needs in light of Christ’s great love. Through first-hand accounts and up-to-date facts about eight global issues, Zealous Love uniquely provides readers with the information, inspiration, and involvement they crave to personally make a difference in their world.
the book hit the stores earlier this month, and i’d been anticipating it’s release because i know that the executive editors, mike and danae yankoski, always deliver thorough, sincere, relevant work. i pre-ordered it on amazon so that it would be on my doorstep the instant it was published. the title caught my attention because several of the eight concerns that the book addresses are target initiatives of the spero project. i can’t wait to see how the project can integrate the information and ideas into our programs in okc.
the really fantastic thing about this book is that it takes the message beyond education. these pages are truly for anybody who cares about helping others. the real, do-able ideas inside are not the kind of things you’d be inclined to brush off as an assignment for those in full-time ministry. the colorful, inspiring, organized sections guide the reader in how to turn passion into action, both locally and globally. the staggering needs of the world are suddenly less overwhelming when you have direction and focus for your energy.
i was especially impressed with the interactive website for ZealousLove.org. in addition to descriptions of each of the areas of injustice they hope to bring attention to, there is a forum for discussion about each of the topics. organizations and individuals can share motivation, resources, and practical ideas about taking on some of the world’s most pressing challenges: hunger, unclean water, HIV/AIDS, creation degradation, lack of education, economic inequality, refugees, and human trafficking.
Zealous Love offers hope throughout every chapter. hope for the world, hope for the reader. it’s not about being a “Super Christian,” it’s about seeing a need and deciding to do something about it. it’s about making your faith more than just good intentions.
LOL – cherry limeade knockout January 13, 2010
photo courtesy jabberwik
in order to enjoy this LOL story from The List, we’re going to work through an unconventional set up process. i think the incident is funniest when visualized in real-time, but so much happened in the matter of approximately 1.2495 seconds, that i’m going to need to explain the details slowly at first. then, once we can all envision the action sequence, we’ll go through it again real fast. okay? great.
so, it was a typical weekday afternoon after high school, and The Boy i was dating had met me at the drive-in joint for what we here in oklahoma refer to as a “coke date” (but you don’t actually have to order a coca-cola, or even a soda for that matter…oh, nevermind). as we stood on the curb saying our see-ya-laters, sipping on styrofoam cups of fizzy refreshment chilled by perfect ice (some of you know what i mean), The Boy reached in for a goodbye hug. we embraced in the same way that we always fit together: his arms around my waist and mine around his neck. if you’re keeping track, this placed his drink behind my back. when we pulled away, my arms were moving down toward my sides as his (transporting said beverage) traveled around from behind me, naturally. inevitably, my descending elbow tagged the hand holding the cup and knocked it loose from his grasp. it was presumably still precariously clutched by a few fingers, as evidenced by his lurch forward to attempt a save. at the same moment that The Boy was lunging toward his falling drink, i comprehended that my elbow was connecting with something foreign and jerked my arm back in the opposite direction. yes, toward his face. which was itself rapidly advancing toward my fist. my punch connected so solidly with his jaw that his forward momentum was immediately reversed, sending he and his beverage flying in opposite directions. i was left standing there, the lone survivor in the short lived battle, holding my drink in the non-violent hand and my mouth hanging open in surprise.
so let’s replay that without the slo-mo, shall we? are you ready? read as fast as you can: sweet hug…elbowjab-suckerpunch-TKO! to put it in comic book terms, because that’s what the sequence most resembled, would go something like: “aww…BAM! POW! ZAP!”
if you’re wondering, he didn’t dump me after i flattened him with a blindside blow. but now i’m wondering if it’s because he was sweet and understanding, or scared that i would beat him up.
new year, new biz! January 1, 2010
welcome, 2010! another new decade is fresh and clean in front of us. although i believe any time is perfect for starting a project, it’s kinda fun to begin the year with a new endeavor: a few months ago i mentioned that i was working on the creation of an official business of my own. i’m happy to announce that i am officially launching Communicate Clearly Language Instruction! i’ve been freelancing as an English instructor, editor, and writer for several years now, and have recently felt the urge to increase my focus on these side jobs. with the help of an informative website, spiffy new business cards, and a bit of advertising and word-of-mouth, i hope to generate more opportunities to work in the linguistic field i so adore.
this will allow me to professionally offer language training, as well as writing and editing services, on a contractual basis as my schedule allows. i have a few other teachers interested in working for me so i’m developing a vision for expansion already. i’m super excited and invite all of you to click on through and visit the brand new Communicate Clearly web site! feel free to pass the URL along to anyone you think might be interested.
“we plunged into the cornucopia… December 27, 2009
…quivering with desire and the ecstasy of unbridled avarice.” -ralphie parker
while i love A Christmas Story, i’m grateful that i’m long past the obsession over piles of gifts at Christmastime. during my preteen and high school years my siblings and i opted for stocking stuffers and a family ski trip for Christmas in lieu of bigger presents. for the past few years my family has agreed to combine our would-be present-buying funds to donate to a worthier cause. each Christmas we take turns choosing a need we can contribute toward and are able give a more significant gift than any of us could’ve offered individually. this year lee & i also chose to forgo our exchange of presents in favor of providing gifts and necessities for a family in need. our decisions weren’t directly inspired by the advent conspiracy movement, but the idea is the same: we don’t get stuff we don’t need, others get things they do need, and the holiday season is much more enjoyable without the stress of buying and wrapping the “perfect” gift for each in a long list of people. and it sure doesn’t hurt our focus on the real reason we celebrate.
the best Christmas gift we received this year was a clean bill of health for my mom. this is not the first time we have rejoiced in a victory over the cancer, but with the past few weeks bringing good results from an MRI, CT, PET scan, CAT scan, ultrasound, & biopsy, we are confident that God has had the final word on this battle. so our Christmas cheer could not be dampened even when our holiday plans were rearranged with the oklahoma blizzard determined to keep us stranded in our respective locations. we all love a white Christmas, but this was ridiculous! each year brings its own memories and adventures i suppose!
we finally did find our way to each other, and had a wonderful, extended holiday. i hope yours was very merry, too.
___ 
season’s greetings – the dilemma December 17, 2009
’tis the season, it seems. the time of year that brings close encounters with many things that are regrettably scarce throughout the rest of the year: heightened faith & hope, special times with family & friends, cheerful spirits, generous giving, grateful hearts…and stamps. the holiday season brings with it an influx of snail mail, or as i like to call it, real mail. when the mountains of holiday cards begin to fill the mailbox, i used to feel a peculiar sensation of excitement mixed with dread. while i’m eager to check the mail, tear into the envelopes, and display the colorful greetings, i always felt the pressure to reciprocate with a standout card worthy of display in someone else’s home. even when the gesture is genuine, getting Christmas cards mailed can become just another deadline on the crowded holiday calendar. so to keep the season joyful, lee & i have agreed on some Christmas card ground rules:
- We cannot spend more than X amount of time in creating, addressing, and sending the cards.
- We cannot spend more than X amount of dollars on the cards and postage.
- We will not send a standard family portrait with a generic yuletide phrase stamped on the bottom.
(this last rule is simply to keep our own boredom at bay and force some creativity into the mix….some of my favorite cards each year fit the description in #3 perfectly.)
the thing is, i really appreciate when other people go to obvious effort to deliver a unique, creative, or handmade card. i examine the details, read every word, and return to view each again and again. but when it comes to my own family greeting, i’m well aware of my artistic limitations and my tendency toward perfectionism, so boundaries are necessary to prevent an inordinant drain of time or money.
as a result, our card creating process has looked something like this: “do we have any good pics of us from the last year?” “no, of course not. either your eyes are closed or i look like a monkey or we both are having a REALLY bad hair day.” after which we do a quick photo shoot in the living room or try to creatively manipulate the silly photos we do have into a holiday message. a few online clicks later, we’ve designed something we can pick up locally within the hour and mail that day. and this has worked fairly well for everyone, i think.
but this year i nearly broke all of the rules. because i was away from home from the week before thanksgiving to the second week in december, i realized a bit too late that our Christmas cards would need to be prepared before my return if there was any hope of them arriving at their destinations in time. my only option was to fly solo with the design and use one of the few photos stored on the tiny netbook i had with me on the trip (sorry cooper, you didn’t make the cut this year). i’m going to blame it on the extra free time i had because i was traveling, and perhaps trying to overcompensate for sub-par photo quality, but i found myself spending excessive time creating an expensive card. i eventually came to my senses, but i realized that our rules are definitely beneficial for me.
the regulations above apply to our own cards, to keep sanity in the sending. if you want tips on what make getting cards fun, check out the basic guidelines my friend laura has shared on what makes a quality holiday card. (to give her friends a self-conscious paranoia about their own mailed holiday tidings….i mean, to offer friendly advice 
) laura knows her cards. she designs fabulous screen printed any occassion cards, and risks her personal sanity each year to create exquisite handmade Christmas cards for the enjoyment of her friends and family.
our mailing list was greatly reduced this year due to the cramped schedule, so if you didn’t receive a card in the mail (not many did), consider yourself officially Christmas carded! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
the nomadic life December 12, 2009
each time i embark on a trip that takes me outside the state, whether it be vacation, a mission, or a visit to friends or family, my mother asks me the same question: “are you coming home?” i’m not sure when she started this (mostly) kidding practice. perhaps after i came back from studying abroad with a severe case of the travel bug. or maybe it was during my stint coordinating mission trips when i seemed a little too reluctant to come home from my monthly travel. whatever the case, i’m sure her concern was not without cause. even now that i have a significant reason to return to my home sweet ‘homa, she still teasingly throws the inquiry out there just before i depart on a solo trip.
truthfully, she does know me well. while there are many things i value in oklahoma (namely, family and friends), i can easily see myself living a nomadic lifestyle, soaking up the life, customs, food, language, and culture of a place before moving on to the next. for me, the thrill of a new place is the fact that it’s unfamiliar. each moment throws something unexpected in front of you. this feeling of being a bit off-balance – awkward in communication, unsure in navigation, wary in interaction – is unnerving and frustrating for some, but exciting and energizing for me. once this feeling of being surrounded by unusual or remarkable things passes, i am ready for a different routine.
if i could work out the logistics, my ideal plan would be to live in a different country each year for 10 years. (no way could i envision my life farther ahead than that.) of course there would be extreme flexibility in the actual duration of stay in each location, but in my daydreams, i’ve even begun to build a loose itinerary based around language learning, which is one of the biggest pleasures of travel for the linguist in me. my theory is, if i piggyback the countries that speak the same languages, then i could extend and expand my understanding of that language, while also keeping the environment fresh. but those are entirely too many details for something that is probably not in my future.
every day i strive for contentment despite my wanderlust (i know i have no room to complain about my life), but when i travel my chronic “wanna go somewhere” itch acts up. this long vacation was oh-so-good and oh-so-bad for me at the same time. once again i am grateful for the technology that so vividly brings the world to you.
legacy November 30, 2009
- titu philomena & gidu haleem
we all leave one, whether we plan to or not. some are inspiring, some are regrettable; some are long-lasting, while others are fleeting…but eventually all that is left of a person on this earth is the legacy they leave behind. for some this lingering impression is farther-reaching because of fame or fortune or history-changing actions. but for most of us, the influence that lasts beyond our lifetime will extend only to our circle of family, friends, and acquaintances. and that legacy is just as significant.
i firmly believe in the importance of establishing a family vision that includes many generations to come. but sometimes a wonderful heritage builds itself upon an exceptional character, almost growing stronger with the multiplication of descendants in each successive generation.
my great gidu (grandfather), haleem saddic, left that kind of legacy. his influence was strong enough that his children’s children’s children know what kind of man he was and how he lived his life, and have a strong sense of keeping that memory alive. since my earliest memory i’ve known the heritage of my close-knit extended family…and since gidu had 10 children, there are quite alot of them. when i wrote my honors thesis in college on the american character, immigration at the turn of the 20th century, and oral histories, i focused on haleem’s story. i didn’t have to dig much for artifacts of his life. his descendants readily provided treasures like family trees, photos, newspaper articles, census reports, the ship manifest from his trip to the US, maps of the old neighborhood (eight pages detailed), and plentiful detailed anecdotes. my titu (grandmother) and her siblings shared vivid memories, but much of the documentation came from the younger generations, who consider it an important task to keep record of our family history and preserve the saddic legacy. a legacy that has been built on more than where gidu lived or what he did, but also the values and traditions he passed down.
- hamatoura
so visiting lebanon has been a lifelong dream for me, particularly the town of kousba, where my great gidu & great titu lived. a sort of pilgrimmage for us both, colette and i set out to visit the place where our family started. we ventured north on the mediterranean coast and then inland, up through the mount lebanon range to the small village of kousba al koura on the qadisha valley. we stayed with our gidu’s nephew (our grandmothers’ cousin) who showed us a wonderful time. george gave us a complete (very knowledgeable!) tour of the town, seemingly familiar with everyone we passed. although, with both my great grandfather and great grandmother’s families originating in kousba, a high percentage of the population is most likely a distant relative in some way. george continually introduced the two mystery girls accompanying him as his uncle’s kids’ kids’ kids, often saying, “meet your cousins!”
we saw an amazing monastery built into the side of the cliff called hamatoura. the long, zig zag foot path is the only access. (the photo to the left was taken from across the valley, not from above. that is a steep walk. click on the pic to get a larger view if you can’t see the church)
we also saw an eccentric castle, some roman ruins, ate the best ice cream i’ve ever had, and had a wonderful home-cooked lebanese meal. you can catch a video recap of the whole thing here.
my favorite part was visiting the olive oil factory just down the street from gidu’s old house. it still employs the old method of pressing the oil, and is quite possibly the very same factory that processed the olives from my great-grandfather’s orchard. the workers were so gracious to tolerate our paparazzi-like invasion of their workspace, most likely stunned by our enthusiasm to capture the (to them) mundane process. the video below captures it pretty well.
this trip to lebanon has been life-changing for many reasons, but the visit to kousba in particular has got me thinking about the legacy i want to leave with the generations that follow me. i don’t have kids yet (or any impending) so it would be natural to think that lee and i have a little time to prepare ourselves. but much of what my family cherishes about my great gidu’s life, values, culture, and traditions were things that occurred long before he had children of his own.
what kind of legacy do you want to leave for your children’s children’s children? perhaps it’s a continuation of what was passed down to you. what can you do to be intentional about the impression that you leave?
happy new decade to me November 5, 2009
it seems appropriate to come back from a month-long hiatus* from ~~okieOLIO~~ to wish myself a happy 30th birthday. don’t worry, i haven’t been absent in order to engage in some sort of personal turn-of-the-decade crisis. i’ve just been busy, busy with lots of good things are settling into place as my twenties float silently away: a fantastic new “just a job” that i actually really enjoy and has given me the financial and scheduling freedom to pursue my language business (that i promise to give more details on soon.) a focus on a healthy, triumphant defeat (for good this time!) of the cancer that tried to do battle with my mom. more quality time with my family as a happy side effect to both of those things. and a deepening of my faith, gratitude, and contentment in the life He has granted me.
my birthday celebration(s) have been worthy of the milestone, as well. my honey woke me up this morning with our traditional birthday breakfast in bed, and gifted me with the lasik eye surgery i’ve wished for since high school (can’t blame my horrible vision on age, at least). my sister made a gorgeous, delicious living raw cake at my request, which we enjoyed at the family party last weekend and every day since. (see photos of the ambitious process here.) my brother is in town for the first time in nearly six months, so i am enjoying his brief visit before he jets off to the mountains for another season. and i will spend my birthday weekend in a relaxing do-nothing getaway.
the most exciting commemoration of my grand entrance into the 30s is the fulfillment of a lifelong dream – to visit my “homeland.” most of my friends know that my family is lebanese and even call my grandmother “titu” like my siblings and cousins do. i’ve often been asked if i’ve ever been to lebanon, and the answer has always been a dismayed “no.” but the timing and circumstances have finally aligned, and i’m headed to beirut in two weeks to visit my cousin colette! wow, happy birthday to me!
the joy of birthdays past - taken sometime in the first decade
*when i’m MIA from ~~okieOLIO~~ i sometimes pop up elsewhere in the blogosphere. check out my recent review contributions and updates to other blogs, and of course the occasional ~OLIOsnippits~
springing up in the fall October 18, 2009
because i have been away so much for business for the past few months, i have sort of let the garden do what it wants in my absence. oh, i peek at it when i’m home and yank a few rogue weeds, but the rain has been frequent enough for the few fall crops that i put in at the end of august, and i just haven’t had time to “deal with it.”
it seems that life flourishes most when i am not hovering over it. a few weeks ago i was lazily peering through the window to assess how badly i needed to get up and get my hands dirty. i noticed that the basil bush (yes, it grew to the size of the shrubs in the front yard bed) was in dire need of pruning, with nearly every stem flowering. feeling tired and overwhelmed, i just shut the blinds and opened a book. a week or so later, i noticed that the wind had blown those flowers (and their seeds) all over the garden. tiny basil sprouts were emerging everywhere, as if it were early spring!at this point i was intrigued by my experiment in loose-rein, free-range gardening, and decided to let them be.
last week i finally resigned myself to the fact that the cold really was creeping in for good and it was time to start the winterizing process. by then i had about 20 little basil seedlings, plus two new clusters of dill! i decided that these new growths were just the thing to provide my kitchen with fresh herbs through the cold months. because that thick, woody basil tree was definitely not coming inside for the winter. i got a couple dozen small ceramic pots in bright colors to plant them in, and set aside more than half for family, friends, and neighbors. what a fun fall gift!
now i plan to always let my herbs go to seed naturally after they’ve provided a good harvest, to keep new plants always rotating in. i’m sure i’ve overlooked this advice in one of my gardening books, but learning by trial and error is more exciting, right?
